Finding Freedom from the Weight of Expectations

I recently wrote this poem to pull together some things revealed in my prayer.

I can feel the pressure,

my hands buzzing with expectation,

chaos and overwhelm tightening my core

into solid knots.

Fog in my mind,

Makes me feel miles from here.

I need You, Christ,

to show me how to be lighthearted.

Jesus, be with me,

help me find assurance of hope.

Reveal to me what excellence is with You—

the way You are free,

the way You are spontaneous,

the way You are present,

the way You are safety,

In me.

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Recently, a thought-provoking reminder from a dear friend resonated deeply with me: expectations are often little more than premeditated disappointments. This insight struck a significant chord within, particularly as I navigate the intricate web of daily life—where pressing work deadlines, social commitments, and the relentless pressure to conform to certain standards constantly loom.

Caught in this tension, I am filled with a desire for liberation. What if, instead of holding tightly to our expectations, we could learn to release them? Imagine the joy we could unlock if we freed ourselves from the heavy burdens of what we believe we “should” accomplish.

In a recent session of spiritual direction, I was encouraged to reflect on how God envisions excellence in my life, particularly in contrast to my idealistic tendencies as an Enneagram 4. This has led me into a profound internal struggle, grappling with my aspiration to succeed while simultaneously fearing the disappointment of those around me, including God. If I’m being candid, this internal battle often leaves me feeling drained and overwhelmed.

However, as I embark on this transformative journey of cultivating a friendship with Christ, my perspective is beginning to shift. I am moving away from the notion of merely being His diligent student striving to be the best and most accommodating version of myself. Instead, I yearn to embrace the profound idea of being His soulmate—an *Anam Cara*, which translates to “soul friend.” This transition feels essential during this phase of my life, where the pressures of motherhood, the weighty responsibility for my children's futures, and the desire to leave a lasting legacy often intersect with my need to heal from past wounds and break free from unhealthy patterns.

In this reflective space, I invite you to ponder your own expectations. What burdens are they imposing upon your life? How might the act of relinquishing these expectations pave the way for greater joy and tranquility? Together, let us strive to embody the beautiful freedom that Christ offers—where we can embrace spontaneity, remain present in the moment, and cultivate a sense of safety within ourselves. By doing so, we may uncover a lighter heart and a richer connection, both with our own selves and with God.